Last Season – Klaus and Hayley had a baby but no love triangle. Nikita turned out not to be a human but a werwolf in a great twist. Jax Wolf is the worst. Elijah is the best. Klaus and Rebekah feel the feely feels for each other by yelling at each other ALL THE TIME. Mama Esther came back as a teenager as did vampire killing vampire Mikael so we’re in for a fun family reunion. And Josh is still adorable, alive and gay.

Let’s get to it!

Meghan is regular font.

Diane is italicized font. 

Episode 1: Rebirth

We start off with Rebekah telling about her “majestic” brother so we are starting the incest early. But she’s telling Hope a bed time story of what happened last time and I’ll be honest, I’m a fan of this ‘last time on’. At least I can see cute pictures of babies. BABY HOPE.

Aww. Hope and Bekah are seriously the sweetest things right now. This will not last long. Nope. Just can’t. Especially since it’s the previously on. I actually like this storytelling thing, reminds me of the Shameless ones where a character pretty much tells us why we suck for missing the previous week, when we actually haven’t, but are forced to watch it anyway. Whatever.

So apparently in the interim, Klaus has literally shut down and everyone left, except Elijah who stands by him always.

Elijah is literally the only person who loves Klaus enough to stand by him through anything. KlauLijah is forever. Poor Klaus is just completely done.

THEIR LITTLE PRINCESS. Now that baby Hope is born, the cuteness factor is going to be at high levels and I CAN’T HANDLE level.

So apparently crazy wolf lady and her wolf brothers are still around and Elijah is kowtowing to them. BUT A RING this is important.

Oh right, the moonlight rings!

“I’m missing a crucial color to my palate, the blood of my enemy.” Klaus, ever the drama queen.

Klaus maybe depressed as all heck but a chance to deliver a good one liner is just not something he’ll ever pass up.

THANK YOU Elijah for pointing out that maybe Hope’s parents should help each other out and not consider the other a donor. Aw, apparently all the people Elijah loves are icing him out.

Elijah is the moral compass of this show. I love him forever and ever. I read something earlier today about his Elijah was supposed to be this one off character on TVD and I’m so happy that didn’t pan out because he is my king.

Hayley feels the feels when she finds a doll baby and she misses her little one.

Hayley is a mother who was forced to give up her child. Her sadness resonates through out this season. She should be there with Hope. It’s just not fair the circumstances Hope is in.

Marcel and Cami are still getting it on. Still way more invested in this than Marcel and Rebekah. But man Cami is really fulfilling that exposition role.

No more exposition from Hayley, I guess since Cami is about that life now. Also she is still banging Marcel. This is important? I guess? Whatever.

Davina is back in high school! Good job, baby witch.

Davina is back in school and I’m glad she’s trying to live the normal life, but the voice inside my head is like, Davina, baby girl, this won’t last.

Cami is playing therapist for Marcel now. She’s not wrong (as usual.) Marcel should just move.

UGH OMG I THOUGHT WE KILLED JAX WOLF WHY IS HE STILL AROUND. And he’s still being the worst, ratting on a vampire who was minding his own business.

Nikita is going CRAZY with fear of Klaus. Good, because she killed Klaus’ kid so there should be some fear (well, you know what I mean.)

Good, be scared Nikita. Keep yourself in check because we know who the real big bad is around here and it ain’t you, chump!

OH. RIGHT. The new witch lady is MAMA MIKAELSON.

Cami’s come to visit the beast in the west wing (that’s Klaus. We’re pulling out the Beauty and the Beast tropes.) But why is he playing this weird cat and mouse, hide and seek game?

Klaus was the beast to Caroline’s Belle too. Hence my theory that Cami’s role was originally Caroline’s is still valid.

There’s something heartbreaking about Elijah playing Klaus’ emotional protector.

That is the nice thing about this new season, at least the Hardy Boys aren’t fighting anymore.

JOSH IS BACK. JOSHY JOSH JOSHY-POO.

Josh!! My only reason for living, okay not really but, Josh!

Ugh. Marcel has a storyline and I still don’t care about him.

Bathroom break. It’s Marcel.

He did a whole speech to try and find vampires but he’s essentially trying to replace his Klaus Papa. But it’s fine, he doesn’t need to because Klaus comes to find him.

Elijah finally gets a minute to grieve. Meanwhile Hayley comes over and they have a moment but that moment is mostly Hayley angry grieving at Elijah and Elijah taking it because that’s what Elijah does.

This is not the Elijah and Hayley moment I wanted, though.

It’s a scene with Mikael but I really love this music.

Know what I also love? What Davina’s treating Mikael like he’s her shelter pet. She’s such a high schooler but she’s REAL smart. I’m  always so impressed with her.

Lol at Mikael being Davina’s bitch.

Klaus is finally going to tell Marcel that Hope’s alive?

Oh, nope. He’s just looking for the white oak stake. Which we just saw in the last scene, so Klaus is going to find out Papa Mikael is alive soon.

No, but I know this Joe kid, right? He’s a dude we’ve seen on the telly before? I mean, I like him. But I’m also afraid he’s not long for this world. (Of course I said that about Josh and look how wrong I was about that thank God.)

Joe was in a lot of things, but I think I remember him from Constantine.

Now the Hardy Boys are arguing over the werewolf fight we all so desperately want. Wait, I spoke too soon.

OK. I don’t care anymore that you look like Charlie Hunam I’ve decided to hate you. But also important, why are you just hanging around a record store?

I hate Jax Wolf, I don’t care what his abs looking.

Hayley is part of the family fighting plan! I need Klaus and Hayley to be a form of bros. Like…they need some dynamic.

Klaus and Hayley are so bad ass when they are together. Too bad this was never ever really explored as anything, cause like, yeah.

They even roped Cami into their secret plans. The gang is back! Yay! (Now if only my secret wish for Cami and Hayley to be best friends can be realized.)

Nikita just promised to rip Hayley’s heart out and my first thought was ‘You can’t do that to a pregnant person!’ Which I think means that Hayley was pregnant for far too long.

Nikita threatening Hayley is the same person peeing her pants cause she knows Klaus is going to find her, right? Cause I mean…like…

This is a pretty ingenious plan. Good job, Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. This montage music is perfect. (I could have sworn we were going to have the ring be more of a problem for much longer in the series. I should have known better, this is from the same people who brought us The Originals.)

ARE WE FINALLY KILLING JAX WOLF?! Ugh. Apparently not.

Why won’t Jax Wolf JUST DIE?!?! Ughhhhhhhhhhhh

Oh good, Klaus got his blood paint.

How is Elijah getting into Nikita’s house? I’m excited to find out. Did he just kill the guy who owned it? OH. WAIT. IT’S A PUBLIC HOUSE. READY SET GO, ELIJAH.

Elijah, what do you mean Nikita escaped?!

Oh, false alarm. Nancy Drew’s got this, guys.

So is Josh the new Newsie? Except he’s infinitely better.

Meghan, please. Newsie could never hold a candle next to the adorable cutie that is Josh. He is so much more loyal too.

Time to take a minute to gush about how we love New Orleans, despite not having any cajun accents or barely mentioning Katrina.

I would forget this show took place in New Orleans if they didn’t mention it every episode because there is rarely anything that is even indicative of that.

Rocker chick is back and anyone else think she looks like Faith?

Hayley is F R E A K I N G out. Every moment with Hayley and Elijah hurts. Mostly because she’s a hybrid and they’re both having a hard time with that. Man, that was a heart hurting moment, we are all of us broken.

We got an accent guys! But, you know, some sort of weird European accent because this show makes sense.

I read Meghan’s notes on this before finishing up this entry and I was like OH AN ACCENT…and it’s not a Cajun…even true blood had a Cajun accent. TRUE BLOOD, that show stopped making sense after a season. Do better Originals.

Elijah, continuing to take care — wait, everybody, shut up. Klaus is taking responsibility for his actions. Realized that he should have just accepted Hayley’s pregnancy. He even apologizes for losing the white oak stake, because he knows it could kill Elijah too. And yet Elijah still stands with him and takes care of him by destroying the rings and tells him how to comfort the mother of his child.

I am such a sucker for a good Klaus and Elijah scene.

TEAM COUNSELOR CAMI. I would be upset about the Cami and Marcel break up except I know we will see Marcel shirtless again.

Don’t worry, Marcel will be shirtless again soon enough. There’s no keeping a shirt on a good looking man on The CW.

Klaus and Hayley bonding and thank you, I definitely asked for this moment and I have received it as a wonderful gift. Hayley is the wolves’ queen and she’s Klaus’ queen as well. He’s accepted her into the family. Thank you for this scene, writers. I know it’ll only take a minute of time before Klaus messes this all up but I will enjoy it in the meantime.

Are we taking bets on how long it will take for Klaus to muck up his relationship with the mother of his adorable baby girl? I give it half an episode.

NO. POOR CAMI IS STILL CAUGHT UP WITH THE MIKAELSONS.

What?! Both the dead Mikaelsson brothers are back?! And one of them is weirdly accented boy, no less! I can’t wait for this family reunion, as it will hurt about as much as everything else on this show.

Excuse my heart eyes at Daniel Sharman aka Isaac Lahey aka The audio book voice of Clockwork Princess aka beautiful boy I have heart eyes for.

Episode 2: Alive and Kicking

Still can’t escape the ‘previously ons’.

It seems we have another flashback. And do we plan on awful wigs? Oh, there they are! AND it’s the Kol from Vampire Diaries! Oh, yes, I remember how awful Kol was to his brothers. Maybe I don’t miss the other Mikaelsons. And it seems that present day Kol has his grubby eyes set on Davina.

Davina, watch yourself. On the other hand I am anticipating shipping it.

Why is there a dead lady on the Mikaelsson doorstep? Ah, Hayley. Taking a bath in Elijah’s presence. and he proves to be made of stronger stuff than I’d hope.

If I were Elijah I would be like dang, girl!

Elijah comes to Klaus and ends up with relationship advice. Maybe not the kind of advice he wanted though. “The mother of your child deserves more than just fine!”

So because he’s pissed at his family, he goes to Marcel and has more flashbacks of awful wigs.

All of these terrible wigs had to have been stolen from the set of Angel, right?

OO. A dynamic we haven’t seen before! Marcel and Elijah… Bring me this dynamic. Oh no, this flashback features a drunk, jealous Klaus. I’m guessing the theme of this episode is the brothers’ misunderstanding the needs of the other. Klaus wants for Elijah to let go and be free. Elijah wants Klaus to show some constraint and care. Klaus and Elijah both want to protect their family, they just have different ways of going about it.

But just because Elijah tries to save everyone, doesn’t mean he’s not above threats that actually mean something. Marcel WILL find the white oak stake.

So, did Mikael and Esther actually love each other or…? Like, how did they make five kids?

This was a time before TV so I’m guessing sex was the only form of entertainment. So sex, lots of sex.

Mama Esther is making tons of moonlight rings for a werewolf army because she doesn’t approve of vampires? The creatures SHE made? Esther, what is your damage?

Esther, I’m glad you created vampires and now you’re like fuck this shit!

A Hardy Boy is teaching Nancy Drew how to be a queen. It’s really good for the two of them to be in the woods and arguing their grief out. The fact that they have this shared grief (and shared hybrid status) makes them actually close. And then Klaus smiles proudly at her!

As much as we know this show loves the incest vibes, I’m getting a sibling chemistry from Hayley and Klaus.

Elijah keeps having these flashbacks heavily featuring Kol like he feels his brother’s presence and not like it has anything to do with the plot.

Big brother Marcel is adorbs. Until he gets caught working with Elijah. 

Hardy Boy Elijah hard at work!

The other Hardy Boy and Nancy Drew found the pack! And she makes a heartfelt speech but Jax Wolf fights back and Klaus is not happy with the lack of respect given his baby mama.

Can we just kill Jax Wolf already? He’s annoying and he’s wearing too much clothes when he speaks. He’s becoming obsolete in my enjoyment of this series.

And now we get to see how Marcel was abused by the Mikaelson gang. But there’s a resolution amongst the Hardy Boys when they both hate on flashback Kol for his abuse of Marcel. They may not always agree on the methods, but they will always agree on the motive.

Man, Kol sucks so much.

Time for Klaus to meet Mama Esther. But is he going to find out that it’s Mama Esther?

Klaus threatens Esther but she’s just like ‘I ain’t even bothered.’

I appreciate that Kol and Davina can bond over mommy issues. But I think Kol started a fight to charm Davina into telling her secret. And now Kol knows his Papa is alive and well. Oh no, Davina lost her bracelet. I mean, we all knew it would happen with how often they kept referencing it.

Davina losing her bracelet is not cute at all. Papa and mama Milkelson and their cray cray on the loose is not cute.

Elijah flies in to save Davina and comes face to face with his Papa. OH NO HE MIGHT KILL ELIJAH. Davina rescued him but now we all know Mikael is alive and… well, that happened.

Meanwhile Klaus is about to realize he’s having tea with his mama. But not after he tells her about how awful Mama Esther was. Maybe he already knows? Nope. Apparently not.

Klaus definitely knows this chick is Esther. He has so many mommy issues he can smell her from a mile away.

It isn’t as bad yet, well, apparently Klaus knows Cassie is Mama Esther. But it’s about to be worse. The broken Hardy Boys are so scared and the look on their faces at the realization their awful parents are back to hurt them more.

Elijah always sacrifices. The parallels between this flashback and the present are real.

No. No no no no no. These are the words I utter as Elijah breaks Marcel’s heart. Maybe I’m crying real tears, WE JUST STARTED THE SEASON. This isn’t a good sign.

It’s too early for this misty eyed bullshit.

Elijah. Still sacrificing. Stop. Stop stop stop.

That was AWFUL.

Kol, realizing his mother is awful. Welcome to reality.

Side note, was this kid on Teen Wolf? Isaac? Diane, help me out!

Yup! And he also narrated The Infernal Devices: Clockwork Princess Audio book.

Go ahead Kol. Tell them your father’s back. Oh wait, do you really not remember? That can’t be right. Even with a concussion, you’d remember your abusive Papa.

I still stand by my observation from last season. This show is more about Elijah. At least, the writers are more interested in Elijah. And in all the ways Elijah can be tortured.

If they put Elijah through the ringer this season I will riot. Poor Elijah just needs and deserves THE BEST.

Way to end on a passive aggressive note, Marcel. Remember how I hate you?

Marcel, we had this discussion last season. You are not a good bad guy. You are in fact a terrible bad buy because you literally do not hate the people you are up against, you just come off as a kicking screaming child that did not get his way and that is not cute.

Guys, this season is only going to make the tears fall harder.

I can smell the sadness in season 2, but I also think I could find a ship in Davina and Kol. Also my poor sweet Elijah, I hope you find happiness soon.

See you Thursday!