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For the first time, I’m choosing to watch The Originals instead of feeling like I have to (though I’ve currently got a much more pressing deadline for something else BUT I’M JUST LOVING THIS SHOW. Plus everyone kept sending me Elijah pictures today at work.) and in exchange she sent me shirtless pictures while I WAS at work.

Previously on The OG’s: drama, drama, drama, Klaus, drama, and more drama.

So we start with a girl locked in a box and then go to…a church service. Prominently featuring Klaus and Marcel. (I thought vamps couldn’t walk into a church?)

Someone is in a casket and pretty much buried alive, going to take a wild guess and say it’s a baby witch.

We don’t know if our casket girl is a baby witch or an evil hell spawn because we cut to Marcel and Klaus in church pretending they are part of the congregation.

Cami and Klaus make the angry eye sex like a pro.

Oh, apparently the witch girls are alive? And terrifying the tourists. And Celeste is on hand to witness it all (carrying not one fig for the tourist she was recently showing around.)

Oh, good. Sophie’s here to see her niece. Can this mean you finally go away? Get your niece and GTFO.

It is a baby witch! One of the baby witches is alive. Oh hey! I recognize her! It’s Sophie’s niece, Monique.

I feel like the witch baby being alive isn’t going to go well for anyone.

Prayer circle for Davina to come back

This show is all about teaching strong, empowered women how to give a solid cold shoulder.

I get it! …I think. Whenever one of the witches that Sabine/Celeste brought back dies, (ie; big voodoo papa in a white suite from last weeks episode) the power gets dispensed to its proper baby witch.

If Klaus were ever to lose his ability to walk in the sun he could always count on Cami for some good ol’ fashioned shade.

Diego: Yo, K, I got some good news/bad news. Which you want first? Klaus: Good News.
Diego: Big Papa Voodoo Daddy is dead.
Klaus: Bad News?
Diego: I’m pretty sure he’s just the beginning of the ever growing list of people that want to murder you and feast while your flesh rots in a corner.
Klaus: OH SHIT. This is getting serious and I can’t avoid it by being a snarky shit?
Diego: nah. We gonna die.
Klaus: MARCEL!!!!! Fix it. I broke it.

Wait a frick, did the newly resurrected Bastiana just hex Priest? Is he going to go insane like his nephew because I don’t think I could emotionally handle that. 

One of the priests congregants is Bostiana (?) and she wants revenge! So she appears to have hexed him the same way she hexed his nephew that went crazy. Well shit.

Klaus made a Sherlock reference towards Elijah and I’m not opposed to it.

It took Marcel all of two seconds to be like WITCH BABY ISN’T DEAD MAYBE MY WITCH BABY CAN BE UNDEAD. Boo, I told you this isn’t going to go well for anyone, including you.

Hayley comes in, telling the Originals what the audience already knows, that Celeste is alive and thriving. Elijah’s face every time Hayley says the word ‘Celeste’ is almost a carbon copy to Klaus’s puppy dog face. Oh that’s right, they’re related.

Hayley is trying to explain to these ancient dummies that Davina :sniffles: was drawing pictures of Celeste and saying she was evil right before she died. The OG’s look at Hayley like she just revealed herself as an alien and is about to eat their faces.

Klaus being the drama queen he is declares that the witches are now declaring war on them.

Funny, before Klaus came back and trampled over anything everyone loved Marcel had the witches under control one way or another

Klaus believes Hayley without thinking twice, sometimes I’m really proud of him.

Elijah pleads with Rebekah to take care of Hayley, but Rebekah is all ‘why don’t you let Hayley decide for herself’ Rebekah is the life blood of this show. You keep up the girl power, boo!She’s also done trying to keep up with Elijah’s subtext. Just make out with Hayley, dude. We all want this. Probably even Klaus, at this point. 

Elijah wants Rebekah to help him with Hayley. How sweet.

“I cannot legislate my feelings. My actions, however…”

For the love of everything. Marcel, you need to calm down the sexual harassment and the veiled talking. We get that newly resurrected witch helped you burn the town and bring daddy back.

Marcel is worried about one of the resurrected witch bitches that Sabine/Celeste called upon. He and Rebekah have history with her of course.

I will say this about the O’Connell family (that’s Priest and Cami btw), they have the most normal interactions on television.

Kieran reveals he is hexed to Cami as the evil Genevieve lurks nearby. Genevieve plays on the emotion of Cami learning that info and is like “if you stab Klaus with this toy we created we will unhex your uncle. But stab the dude. Thanks.” Cami considers it.

Are we having best friend time with Hayley and Rebekah

“Josh isn’t dead yet?” – Rebekah is all of us.

Of course Hayley is going to throw a party. It’s the CW.

Girl power Rebekah is going to help plan it.

Our CW mandated party is set up! Can’t wait.

Did we talk about why Eve is human while everyone else in Hayley’s family can’t turn? Do we need an explanation? Editors note: Because Eve scratched out her birthmark and made a run for it. She was unaffected.

Celeste and Elijah. I’ve actually been waiting for this since we found out crazy Witch Bitch is his ex-bath buddy. Oh, but he doesn’t know it’s her. Does he? Is he playing her? They did the whole close talking thing, which makes me think he suspects.

Sabine/Celeste can’t help herself around Elijah. She still loves the man, it’s easy to see. I guess their love may have actual meant something to her. Aw.

Oh look. A touching Sophie and niece scene that I don’t care about at all.

Sophie. Sigh. You know, when it comes time to actually feel for her character because of her situation with her baby witch niece, I just can’t like her. At all.

Marcel continues on his quest to bring Davina back. Love that we totally gloss over him killing baby witch’s mom.

Monique is team Marcel. In this case so am I because the opposing side would be Sophie.

Ooo, Cami is going deeper and deeper down the crazy hole. And we’re having a really great talk time with Klaus which isn’t so bad. Klaus even speaks truth in her life, which I’m never saddened by. It’s always a lovely surprise.

Cami just hands over the blade to Klaus? I’m not buying it. I’m still not into Klaus and Cami as a ship, but I appreciate that she believes in him.

Ah shit. Klaus is being lured by a crying and emotional Cami. She still has Papa Tundes blade or whatever it is in had to kill him. Instated Cami gives it to Klaus because she knows he a cockroach and can survive anything, thus she would be on the the winning team.

Klaus thinks he can compel the priest out of the hex, but first he needs to dry him out of the vervain. Ouch.

Hayley about to have a good, 90210 style party and what does she do? Laundry. Hayley is more of an adult than I will ever be.

Oh, she was setting up clothes because everybody is nude-y. A fact Rebekah is not at all upset about and neither am I because excuse me sir are you Jax Teller??

Make out with Rebekah, she needs some good love. Get it, Bekah Boo!

So Hayley’s family is here for the party and one of the happens to be a hottie named Oliver who is make eyes at our Rebekah! Get it girl.

Again we trust Sophie. Again. Why?

This party is exactly like Bonnaroo. Same music, same flannel. Same banjos. I can get on board with a werewolf hipster party.

The bayou wolves know how to party! So much so that Oliver gets Rebekah to smile.

Okay please tell me this tall drink of water is not Hayley’s brother?

Okay, good. He’s not related to her, I was only concerned because we know this show feels about #incest #klausbekah and they have sexual chemistry and he’s like her werewolf husband or something.

Turns out Mama Wolf’s stalker pup is the attractive Jackson who, it’s very important for us to point out in the first line of dialogue, they are not at all related. Because, in fact, they were supposed to be married because of course.

HE DID KNOW. WELL DONE, ELIJAH. Also well done writers, they’ve been setting up Celeste this whole time. Good job all around, good show.

Ugh, you are not the people I want to make out. Hey, it turned out it was a good thing I didn’t want them to kiss because she straight Mrs. Reynolds-ed him. All because he stood by his brother, despite the fact Klaus killed Celeste. I actually understand that hurt.

Well Celeste has poisoned Elijah because he picked how own flesh and blood over her and now she’s pissed.

Seems Klaus’s plan to heal the Priest didn’t work, this storyline is going to huuuuuurt.

The hex is taking the priest. Boo

Celeste is kicking Elijah were it hurts the most, taking away his devotion to his family. Putting him to the test of choosing to help either Klaus, Rebekah, or Hayley. THIS IS BRILLIANT. Bets on who he’ll choose? I vote Klaus.

Sabine/Celeste wants to kick everyone’s ass to get Elijah back and cure him of his devotion to his family by killing them.

Oh this isn’t a fun game, witch. This might not end well.

Marcel’s like ‘WE DON’T KILL KIDS’ and Klaus is like ‘I wasn’t planning on it, BUT NOW I WANT TO’

Ugh, Sophie used the knife on Klaus and it melted into him like some sort of Ehud blade (that’s an Old Testament joke.)

Klaus comes around prancing Monique around to get Bastiana in return. Right after he teaches Marcellus an important lesson on who is stronger, Sophie (we just trusted her like 20 minutes ago, btw.) comes out and stabs him with the blade that then just goes inside his chest cavity like…what?

Jackson sets himself up more to be part of a love triangle. And on top of that, apparently Hayley and Jackson are part of the OG werewolves? Therefore lapping up every last drop of that title.

Of course the werewolves used to own New Orleans. How long has this dumb city been around? She’s like some $2 hooker, everyone’s been in her at some point.

Bastiana comes out all sinister wanting Klaus.

Hayley is trying to talk to her “husband” who is giving her quite the pep talk. Apparently their houses were not united when the vamps took over. In short, I think the werewolves want to make a power play.

Finally we’ve found how Celeste is going to ruin everything.

OH NO. NOT AGAIN. POOR REBEKAH. I just want to wrap her up in my arms and protect her from everything; Klaus, Marcel, her general terrible taste in me, everyone who seems to think it’s ok to just let Rebekah get the bum end of the stick always.

At least Jackson’s with Hayley to keep her and the miracle baby safe because Lord knows Hayley can’t take care of herself. (Angry face.)

The witches have trapped the wolves and Hayley in the plantation. Chanting as the fire burns down the house.

OMG Elijah saves Hayley! Well, and baby too, so I guess it’s the better deal. Two for the price of one. AND we get Elijah carrying someone protectively, so I know Diane’s all manner of happy about that!

Hayley is losing air and Elijah breaks through the glass to save her and then goes back for her “friend.” The swooning for Elijah never ends.

Can’t we just let Jackson burn, though?

Oh, baby Rebekah. You got all bruised and bloodied and now one of the Witch Bitches who looks like an old writing teacher of mine stands over her and this is the worst thing ever.

The witches confront Elijah with the reality of the situation. His family is about to be destroyed. Bastiana has Klaus, Rebekah is in Genevieve’s custody. 

I’m always down for tortured Elijah.

Jackson totally buys into all this ‘betrothed love’ stuff. Shouldn’t that cause you to question his sanity?

Jackson and his puppy dog eyes. Sigh.

Elijah vows to kill them all. Oh Elijah

The only time Elijah loses his cool is when his family is at stake and it’s amazing. Hayley brings him back in.

We’re using Marcel’s (fake) love for Rebekah to spur the vampires in their hunt. And Elijah’s going to go I N S A N E when he finds the witches I CAN’T WAIT.

So, baby witch’s got her dead eyes on and this may be how we finally get rid of Sophie? It’s pretty messed up that the whole reason Sophie had a story is the same reason that killed her. That’s pretty badass.

Monique kills (?) Sophie and is team witches all the way. They have their classic wind in hair stalk off scene as we see Sophie on the ground, blood coming out of nose, mouth, and eyes.

Prayer circle for Sophie finally being gone.

Episode 14: Long Way Back From Hell

Rebekah wakes up in an abandoned asylum which she seems to recognize judging by the flashbacks she seems to be having. It’s not a good sight and something straight out of a horror movie.

So now we have to chose between Klaus and Rebekah? Well, I already know that’s not going to be the case. It’s going to be ‘how to torture the vampire babies most.’ Apparently it’s the sound of dripping water.

Oh, no. It’s a weird vision of sick, dead people. I don’t think we’ve ever seen Rebekah this vulnerable. I already know I’m going to love this episode.

She’s at some really beautiful, abandoned school. Good job, locations manager, this places is gorgeous.

Oh hey then Genevieve stabbed Rebekah straight in the heart. All according to Celeste’s plan. Meanwhile, we get to see Klaus’ glorious tattoos as some weird virus thing snakes up his belly.

When Rebekah runs, Genevieve stakes her and we pan into a shirtless Klaus, sweaty and entirely beaten as Sabine/Celeste appears to torturing him. Ouch.

Who died this time? Oh, right. Sophie. Monique is being COLD as HELL. Elijah storms in on the  funeral and is like ‘I DON’T EVEN CARE WHERE’S MY FAMILY wait what, Sophie’s dead’ then gets weird tattoos that symbolize a wild goose chase.

Elijah shows up to tell baby witch whose boss, but she has other plans up her sleeve, by writing on Elijah?  Also Sophie is dead. Ding Dong Sophie’s Dead!

I feel like I recognized Genevieve from somewhere. Meanwhile we’re going to visit Rebekah’s sins. And we get to see her as a nurse! And not doing a particularly good job in the 20s, why did she even bother?

Rebekah and Genevieve flashback to when they were both nurses at the hospital and I’m sensing some sexual tension maybe? Okay. So maybe Claire Holt just has chemistry with everyone and everything. No seriously, watch her in Aquarius.

Genevieve from the past seems really timid. I’d like to see the progression. I like that she straight points out the weirdness of Rebekah being all Florence Nightingale. Her reasoning makes sense, if we’ve learned anything from Klaus, Originals are super territorial.

Hayley sees all the names on Elijah’s skin and, oh, by the way, ELIJAH IS FINALLY SHIRTLESS. I’d peruse too, girl. Once again, super on board with Elijah’s storyline.

Sidenote, I looked up Genevieve. She’s not anyone I notice, except she is in a movie called Fishing Naked which is a movie coming out soon that I saw at the 2013 American Film Market so that’s cool.

Elijah calls Hayley over like she’s a puppy and she comes running over as such.

Hayley has one task. Write down the names written all over Elijah’s body on a piece of paper. Hayley’s face is exactly what mine was. It’s time like this I wish Meghan and I were next to one another because holy crap shirtless Elijah.

Hayley looks thirsty for some Elijah when she walks over but Marcel breaks up the party by telling Hayley what the writings mean. It’s a puzzle, and it looks like it’s the names of all the women Celeste inhabited.

Looks like one of the girls she took on committed suicide. Celeste sure knows how to get rid of bodies she’s tired of.

Why is she reaching into his stomach? This is a bad game of operation. She pulled out the sick knife but EVERY BUZZER went off.

I’m on board with Elijah and Hayley teaming up. I’m finally on board this OTP.

Until Hayley asks for help to vindicate her wolf-y family.

I do like that Hayley apologizes to Elijah. And that Elijah says there was no choice. Not that there was any romance in his voice. Just that he acknowledges the cost.

Marcel and Elijah are leading the pack in the hunt for Rebekah and Klaus

‘Why show me kindness?’ – Klaus sings the only song he knows.

Klaus is still protective over Rebekah even though he’s been all sorts of pissy with her. (Also, anyone else weirded out that Klaus just drank Rebekah’s blood?!)

If you’re not trying to get me on board this incest OTP train, STOP MAKING THEM HURT EACH OTHER AND STILL PROTECT EACH OTHER UGH. This is only made worse by pushing Marcel and Rebekah down our throats.

Genevieve very sexually takes out the magical tooth thing from Klaus as he growls at her. Let’s see where this goes.

Oh Elijah and Hayley and their stupid slow burn.

Okay so Klaus and Genevieve are hot in a BDSM kind of way.  Klaus loves him some damaged women and then gets attacked.

Does Klaus really get affected by Wolf venom? Isn’t it already in his blood since he’s half wolf anyway?

Really. Sex in a morgue. (Oh thank God, that was diverted.)

Rebekah and Marcel…my eyes are going to hurt from rolling them so much and of course they are practically having sex surrounded by dead people.

Klaus defends his discipline of Marcel and Rebekah by saying, ‘I have my reasons.’

She’s telling Klaus the story of how Marcel and Rebekah jumped every where for centuries and Klaus just shakes it off. Of course she seductively tells him there’s a whole lot more where that came from.

ARE THOSE REASONS JUST BEING IN LOVE WITH YOUR SISTER. (I’m not supporting this, I’m just saying, you’re doing this subtext to yourself.)

Genevieve is getting all hot and bothered with Klaus and also dispels some misguided theology.

Elijah gets some answers from the first non attractive person on The CW. This is how we know he’s an adult. 

Man, Elijah doesn’t play around. This reminds me of the hands holding hearts image and even though he’s wearing a suit, I’m not bothered.

Cue Elijah, he has his suit back on, BOOOOO!! He’s beating some dude up at the pit. The peach pit?!?!

He controls the records all the supernatural folks in the quarter and tells them the records have moved to the only and creepiest church around town.

Oh cool, so Rebekah’s clearly a major player in the movie, The Shining.

Rebekah is terrified for Klaus to know. She breaks my heart so much. She’s had the worst luck in her immortal life. WHY DON’T THE BROTHERS PROTECT HER BETTER?!

Clearly Rebekah did something terrible because the thought of having her mind linked to Klaus’s causes her a hysterical episode. Maybe he’ll see all the #incest she has floating her brain.

Elijah’s clever with his subtle plying Marcel for information. It’s just unfortunate that this bromance is going to end because Marcel is whiny. Seriously, what is your beef with the werewolves?

Marcel, can you not screw about with Elijah. Can we all just realize Elijah is not someone to play with?

The tattoos are gone from Elijah’s skin because of the flu. But he’s got no idea what about the flu. But the hospital they are in is the flu hospital, I’m guessing? Will Elijah have to save Rebekah from Klaus?

K so that puzzle on Elijah’s body disappears and we find out only one body Celeste inhabited didn’t die from her own hand but instead the same Flu it seemed Genevieve and Rebekah were around.

Also, side note, aren’t we all glad Sophie is gone? ::raises hand!!::

Rebekah isn’t afraid of hurting her brother. She’s afraid that he will hurt her. Because abuse.

Oh hey, flashback Genevieve’s friend is Clara Summerland, who we just discovered is Celeste. Which makes the look they gave each other at the beginning of the episode more understandable.

Turns out this Clara was the same girl from the hospital earlier. Interesting.

Celeste has been playing them for years.

Elijah. Dapper in every decade.

Genevieve thinks Elijah is cute and all buts Klaus that has her heart . She wants to meet him but Rebekah suggests she meet their father Mikael..

It’s here. Klaus is watching it happen. The betrayal in live and living color and Klaus knows it before it happens.

He breaks out, tears streaming down his face. This is nice, for the first time he doesn’t want to believe the betrayal. Typical, he’s all about creating betrayal out of nothing but as soon as he’s faced with actual betrayal he rejects it. Because he doesn’t actually want his siblings to be the monsters he imagines them to be. He’s just really addicted to imagining himself the victim.

Of course Klaus is raging when he finds out his sister truly betrayed him. Can’t really blame him, his relationship with his father was abusive all around. Physically, emotionally, this man was horrible. Rebekah’s betrayal is truly too much for Klaus to undertake.

Marcel knows what’s happening now. He’s about to tell Elijah what Klaus just realized. Maybe? I’m really hoping we see Elijah’s reaction.

Guess not.

Marcel confesses to Elijah he too had a hand in their fathers return and Elijah nearly cracks him in two over it. Marcel and Rebekah and their love causing issues every where.

Oh hey it’s the weird picture Cami found.

Klaus’s abuse at his father’s hand explains his abuse of his sister. He’s going to kill her.

Oh there’s Elijah’s reaction. Kill Marcel. Just do it, he’s bringing you all down.

Good, at least Elijah wants to protect Rebekah.

Hopefully Klaus sees this vision. Doubt it, but still. 

That’s a pretty gruesome death. It’s interesting to see Rebekah, feel empathy for her, despite all the awful things she’s done. It’s hard to explain what living forever must do to a person (and I don’t think they’ve done a particularly good job) but it certainly interesting to watch how they commit horrible acts for their own purposes as if humanity doesn’t matter because, if we’re practical, it doesn’t when you live forever.

Rebekah and Genevieve can’t undo the spell despite Rebekah pleading that she made a huge mistake. She infects Genevieve with the flu and Clara/Celeste also.  She then compelled the orderlies to keep them in quarantine until they both died.

Maybe Klaus did see the last vision where Rebekah tries to stop it. Not that it will help at this point. I’m trying not to root for Klaus to kill Genevieve because that defeats the purpose of my previous sentence but it’s hard.

Genevieve lets Klaus feed on her and it’s sexual obviously, so he can regain enough of his strength to go after Bekah.

This has to be the least amount of words Klaus has said this whole season. It’s basically just ‘REBEKAH’ over and over again.

It’s upsetting that their family has so many holes in it that the witches can play games whenever they feel like it and they can’t even realize who the true enemy is because they are so obsessed with killing each other.

Marcel and Elijah, you guys are vampires, you have super speed. It shouldn’t take you long to find her.

Klaus and Rebekah staring at each other and it hurts. 

YEAH Hayley! OMG SHE CALLS CELESTE WITCH BITCH. #validation

Hayley knocks out Celeste. Go Hayley!

Klaus walking down the stairs, this is like a horror movie. “I’ll take my pleasure in other ways.” KLAUS. DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF WHEN YOU TALK. PULL IT BACK.

Oh now we have the Klaus soliloquy.

Klaus, put the blade away.

This show really likes the word treachery.

Seriously, Rebekah and Klaus have terrific scenes together. How I wish we’d find out they aren’t siblings.

Klaus and Rebekah verbally fighting. #incest

Klaus and Rebekah talking #incest

Klaus and Rebekah physically fighting #incest

ELIJAH HURRY UP AND FIND REBEKAH. Ugh, or Marcel. (That’s fine Klaus, kill Marcel.)

Marcel runs in and Klaus has this look on his face like he just got lucky. Two burns one stone.

Luckily Elijah shows up and takes the blade to Klaus again. Klaus looks absolutely heart broken.

YES ELIJAH. YES. Yet, once again, Klaus is betrayed by his two siblings. Elijah takes no joy in it though and holds his brother. He just knows this is what has to happen. Honestly, if this didn’t have the vampire aspect, this kind of stuff could be on AMC. It’s the same level of heartbreaking ‘damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ scenario. 

Ugh. This show. Forever addicting. Thursday there’s more Klaus and Rebekah incest and Marcel is still trying to bring back our favorite baby witch.