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Episode 5 – Sinners and Saints

Ugh….Elijah’s doing the monologue. He knows even less than Klaus, he’s been dead! At least there’s not a second VO.

I don’t have to listen to the sound of an annoying voice over because Netflix decided to just skip it on its own. Thank you, Netflix. I enjoy when you allow me to be even lazier than I already am on a Sunday.

Elijah’s face is fifty shades of grey right now. I mean literally, not a nod to the ill conceived fan fiction that turned all women into fans of terrible smut. I digress. He’s talking to Davina (not Sophie) and she pricks herself with a needle to taunt him with some of that good old blood. Idk Davina, you are might powerful but I think even a half dead Elijah might be able to snap a few necks.

Davina stands in front of a mostly dead Elijah like she’s some sort of vampire blood present and trying not to be. Also it’s weird that Elijah’s like “The two of us together are the most powerful.” Because he’s so old and she’s, like, twelve. 

Sophie (not Davina) is given a talking to about not protecting Hayley (when Klaus has to give you a talking to you must really be an idiot.) He comments about her crazy witches and she lets him know that the vision crazy witch had when she was trying to decipher the sex predicted that the baby would be the hell spawn. It’s Klaus’s kid, should we expect it to be cute and non menacing like a normal child? I mean, look at how Marcel turned out and he only raised him later on, granted they were more of his more formative years. She reminds us AGAIN that she is connected to Hayley and she would never cause her harm. Klaus and Bekah tell Sophie that Elijah is working on getting this bond broken.

But please can we break this bond between the two? I’m sick of hearing about it. I know The Originals is geared toward younger women but we aren’t stupid. We don’t need to be reminded of things every episode. It really grates on me how much unnecessary exposition this show truly has. It comes off as filler writing when I know these writers are better than this, the story telling quality on this show is proof of that. I hope we remove the incessant fluff and friendly reminders so the show can’t just flow based on memory. Okay. I’m done now.

Klaus is protective over the baby! So is Rebekah! Rebekah is mostly just affinity towards Elijah. But Klaus… Klaus is struggling. I like this a lot. Continue fighting the fact you’re a daddy. 

Flashback to Sophie 8 months ago! Is that Damon? Yes it is! Forgive me if its from TVD, I haven’t watched it in years.

Remember how we didn’t have any Sophie in the last episode. Apparently we are making up for with this episode. She’s telling us about ‘The Harvest’ which the oldest people in the world know nothing about. Apparently it’s a child sacrifice ritual? Already into this episode, high stakes. Oh man and Davina was marked as one of the dead witch kids!

So the witches do a crazy harvest where they sacrifice young virginal witches for the sake of the power. Davina is one of the witches. Well now we know why she’s a little crazy.

Klaus, pointing at Hayley’s stomach and saying, “You know, that.” Also not wanting anything leading back to Hayley. I’m a sucker for protective Klaus. 

Does Klaus call the baby “that?” I seriously died laughing. Oh Klaus, all high and mighty and then…

Davina explains that in order for this dumb harvest to being completed she has to die. Okay then.

Elijah is playing child therapist while Davina expositions and declares she has to die in order of the witches to have more power and Elijah shifts, he is NOT happy. NOBODY kills a sixteen year old on Elijah’s watch. OK, I’ll be a little attracted to Elijah if he’s more protective.

Hayley figured out the best way to manipulate Rebekah is to use Elijah, good job honey boo. 

Hayley and Sophie are going to the woods to find what possibly maybe Hayley’s family member. DRAAAHHHMAAAA

We’re going to have a snark fest between Marcel and Klaus. And so much more exposition. In the form of shower sex? Actually I think the shower sex is to mix up the exposition. (Editor’s Note: It’s important to point out that Klaus and Marcel were not the ones having shower sex.)

Marcel and Klaus having father and son time dissing each other and drinking. He also tells him the story about the harvest. It’s not cute. Essentially Marcel and Sophie (not Davina) were banging. She told him of the harvest and that it worries her because it doesn’t sound right. Marcel always loves to get his hand in too many cookie jars so this can’t end well.

Wait, Sophie got it on with Marcel?! Her venom makes way more sense. 

Davina finishes up the rest of the story to Elijah (who I almost called Klaus because all white men with accents are beginning to look a like to me) as he fixes Davina’s new violin, which belonged the boy she liked from the previous episode.) Why they don’t want to remind you of a tiny detail that could be forgotten I don’t know, but a big one that is definitive to the plot they slam you on the head with over and over.

Wait, so, the witches are getting yelled at by the priest and then Sean comes in and OMG IT’S CAMI’S BROTHER RIGHT?! It totally is, OMG. The witches are the reason her brother went crazy face.

So after the harvest comes the reaping where the sacrificed girls would all be reborn. Davina goes all old school WB on us for a second. (Seriously her whole “I hurt people with magic speech reminded of a similar speech Michael made to Maria on Roswell in I want to say the season 1 finale.)  We are quickly reminded she is a teenage girl who wants to be normal because she doesn’t want the magic. If they don’t slash her open she can just lose magic! To Davina this a win win, normal life with violin boy and no more worrying about the social issues with the witches and Marcel cause magic is gone! Judging by the look on Elijah’s face I don’t think he’s too pleased.

Then again, is Elijah ever real pleased?

Elijah has perpetual sad puppy face with Davina. It’s literally a therapy session. 

Well Hayley and Rebekah get caught by one of Marcels goons in the woods. They never have luck.

I love this girl’s day outing to burn some dead witch remains. It’s like a fun bonding experience for our girls. Oh, wait, she has to go back and distract Marcel in a ship I care nothing about. 

The harvest looks like a damn debutant ball until the blood and gore of the reaping occurs.

I’ve never been a fan of witches from The Vampire Diaries. Bonnie is great but she whined a lot. But they always seemed super uptight.

Bastiana was just like YO ITS JUST A PRICK IN THE WRIST ::slashes throat::..this escalates quickly.

OMG THEY CUT THAT BABY WITCH GIRL’S NECK. This is awful. I hate this, poor Sophie, her niece… Marcel and his men come in and are only in time to save Davina and I’m ok. SO MANY PROTECTIVE MEN IN THIS EPISODE.

Then Marcel shows up with his vampires to put a stop to the mess because he has a huge no no to murdering kids. But is okay with his goons attacking a pregnant Hayley? I don’t know.

Marcel talking to Klaus about saving Davina, seeing her fight and ‘not going to the slaughter’ and then Klaus calls Marcel ‘Marcellus’ and oh yeah he was a slave GAH THIS IS DARK AND EMOTIONALLY TOUCHING. 

Marcel tells Klaus that what drew him to Davina was watching her fight against the reaping. Klaus immediately tell him he understands that feeling, and calls him Marcellus. He calls Davina kindred and I have a weird rain drop running down my cheek. So weird! What did it come from?!

The brooding face Marcel gives Klaus though…he can brood to me all day every day. Oh right . Back on track.

Marcel and Rebekah are standing off against each other and also they want to get it on AND I JUST DON’T CARE UGH

Davina has all the power now because she got all the powers passed down from every girl killed in the reaping.

Davina has this loyalty to Marcel because he saved her, but he’s also using her. So this is a weird relationship I’ve every seen.

Klaus kills the vampy informant come to squeal on Mama Wolf and for some reason it’s the second most attractive thing I’ve seen him do, second to carrying Hayley (but I think it’s because of his shirt because he looks GREAT in that shirt let’s be real.) 

Oh so they did have to tell us about the violin. Everything on this show needs to be explained over and over and over again.

Elijah offering Davina his moms book doesn’t sound like it’s all for her gain. Elijah is manipulating her and he has this nice guy attitude that she actually buys it. I like Elijah and I don’t buy it. I wonder what Davina’s situation with her dad is like because she trusts every dude that “saves” her with a smile.

The Child Therapist offers to be Davina’s Mr. Miyogi. – Wait, apparently Marcel wanted to get outta dodge and was distracting the siblings? He’s not that smart, is he? Or are the Originals just dumb.

Davina is finally getting out of her attic.

So I’m all “poor impressionable Davina!” And then she does and PLAYS MARCEL and has been playing Marcel whether she realizes it or not. #TeamDavina4Eva

Oh. No, Marcel is dumb. EVERYONE IS PLAYING EVERYONE it’s super confusing. I need some sort of manipulation markers.

Elijah proclaims he will fight for his family! Oh self sacrificing Elijah, your family sucks ass. Let them destroy themselves and run off with Hayley.

What’s happening? Why is Kieran the Priest getting so hot and bothered and up in Marcel’s grill? Oh, because he’s protecting his niece. Cami. Who hasn’t been in this episode at all. I guess we can only have Sophie or Cami in an episode. Can’t have both. 

Sophie annoys me. I’m kind of done with her, but I think she’s a regular still so I guess I will endure.

Hayley is so gorgeous. Girl crush is on fire right now.

Marcel’s age is showing as Klaus beats him down. Then Elijah shows up and Klaus is like OK CHILL. Big brothers have that effect. And you could totally see fear in Klaus’s eyes when Elijah shows up. He knows better.

I guess Klaus and Marcel are no longer playing nice. OH DANG ELIJAH’S BACK and he’s gonna teach Klaus a lesson, Klaus does not look excited. Maybe because Klaus knows Elijah’s the only one who can kick his ass?

Rebekah knows it too because she asks in a bubbly tone “you gonna kill Niklaus?!” It’s cute. The family dynamics are a win.

So Hayley and Elijah have some decent chemistry. Let’s see what happens here. Also I’m pretty sure he won’t calling the baby the thing. Side eye Klaus’s way.

Elijah comes back and starts making eyes at Hayley…who awkwardly oggles him before walking away. THIS IS THE MOST AWKWARD OF THE SHIPS. All they’re doing is staring at each other. Oh! She hit him! We’re all a little confused Elijah. But…he seems to be more turned on? Elijah, you got to work some things out.

I am over this witch harvest drama and I am over Sophie. Bonnie could knock her around like a rag doll.

OH HELLO ELIJAH WITHOUT A JACKET THIS IS BETTER ONLY WEAR THIS.

Elijah explains that Sophie will fight to the death to get Davina so she can finish the harvest and get her dead niece back. Family makes her the most dangerous person right now and I’m yawning from her right now.

OMG Sophie is playing the long game. Is she the actual evil here? This is what I mean, DYNAMICS.

AND BEFORE WE WRAP UP, while watching Sophie almost melt in the rain at her dead (maybe?) sister’s grave, there’s a gravestone next to her head that says Pettigrew and I just started laughing because Harry Potter. 

End of episode 5. Not too excited about this episode but it finally gave us some much needed info on the dynamics between the witches and vampires and what caused it. Its essentially setting up the middle of the season quite nicely but I want the drama with the witches on the back burner a bit after that because I need more on Marcel to make him a viable opponent to Klaus.

On to episode 6 and hopefully not spending the whole episode hearing about what happened previously. New info please! 39 more episodes until Dohring!

Episode 6 – Fruit of the Poisoned Tree

Netflix didn’t do that thing and now I have to listen to Rebekah’s voice over.

Rebekah’s doing the voice over, speaking the ancient, basic white girl language of ‘I can’t even.’ (Seriously, it sounds like Rebekah hates these VOs as much as I do.) 

VO: Can our family unite to face this threat?
Me: What have your guys been DOING for centuries?! 

Klaus and Elijah sit around and read when they get reunited or as Bekah calls it “vampire book club.” With a dead drained girl on the coffee table.

Klaus, sitting and having reading time with Elijah. Rebekah is as weirded out as we all are. They’re arguing so passive aggressively because this is the south.

Another flipping voice over. Kill me.

Klaus’ VO I don’t mind because he’s reading a story. This adds to parallels. I like parallels.

Poor Cami having to see her brothers tomb stone defaced with the words murderer on it.

Oop, we’ve got Cami in the house/episode. Which must mean we aren’t going to get Sophie.

Hayley walks by and Elijah and Klaus stare at her. Elijah more longingly, Klaus more like HEY BABY and then gives Elijah this look like, back up.

Elijah is NOT subtle in his attraction of Hayley. And Klaus is NOT subtle with his disproval. He wasn’t super into Hayley before, but now that Elijah is all about dat werewolf ass, Klaus is starting to get puppy eyes.

Hayley has to tell Elijah everything that happened to her in his absence. He simply wanted to know if they were treating her well, not her death stories. Ugh.

We get it, Hayey. You’ve had a hard life being a werewolf mama, but let it be pointed out that you chose this. Ain’t nobody feeling’ sorry for your stupid mistakes THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BANGING KLAUS. 

Oh really Hayley, you know you have Elijah to thank for the Mikaelsons being protective? Did you figure that out when Rebekah kept saying ‘Ooooo Elijah wouldn’t like this!’ (Get it together Hayley.)

Yes. Just, yes. And shut up. (If you were asking if my attraction to Elijah has grown exponentially in these last two scenes, that is the answer. Also the answer could be that unbuttoned top shirt button.) 

Rebekah: Who do we have to kill?
Elijah (ever the optimist): Probably no one.
(Hayley watches Rebekah drag a dead body away)
Elijah: All right. Potentially everyone.

I laughed loudly at this exchange. OK, The Originals. You are growing on me. As are you, Mr. Stick-in-the-Ass. Possibly because I didn’t realize you were the oldest child, THE DYNAMICS ARE STARTING TO MAKE SENSE (maybe I should rewatch all Original things with this in mind, because it explains Elijah’s hell-bent rage redemption of Klaus. Oldest siblings are like that, we believe and expect far more from our baby siblings because we love them more than anyone else.) 

Scratch that, we are getting some Sophie in this episode (a shame, because she’s been pissing me off.) She’s hanging out with the pseudo psychic witch with the creepy vision for OG Baby. What’s happening? 

Sophie and her witchy friend are kidnapped by dudes wearing black fencing costumes. How scary.

No, but wait, FOR REAL WHAT IS HAPPENING?! Weird ass masked faceless people showing up and being all violent.

Why is Rebekah on the floor, in her nice skirt, cleaning the floor and giving Klaus sex eyes? Could she have changed?

Rebekah, in her designer dress, on the floor scrubbing the 200-year-old rug. They may be souless vipers but you do NOT meet with the upholstery. 

Klaus is such a typical younger brother, how have I never seen this before. He’s totally Sam-ing it up right now, angsty about how all the ladies like Elijah.

Klaus snarks that when Elijah is around he sprinkles his fairy dust and all is well. Elijah is like nah, I’m just awesome.

Elijah could care less.

Oooooh he’s joining in on the manipulation games! The Mikaelsons have some weird genes. He’s going to ‘help’ Davina control her magic by getting her to do an unlinking spell…on Sophie and Hayley (can that kill Sophie? Please?)

But in a great sibling bond moment, Klaus and Rebekah share a look of great concern because ELIJAH you may have only been out a few episodes, brah, but you missed some THINGS.

Elijah’s back five minutes and he’s running the joint like the big brother he is. Even Klaus is smiling at that, though he’s not a huge fan of Elijah being the one with the plan.

Marcel and Klaus’s double agent get into it. He’s kind of cute actually, Marcel recites Shakespeare and he thinks it’s lord of the rings

and even quotes it. It’s kind of adorable. I’m sort of into this guy. Hope he doesn’t bite the dust!

Marcel is starting to get wise to Klaus’ manipulation. 

Elijah walks into see Davina and she lights up. Does everyone have a crush on Elijah?

I don’t get Davina’s art projects. They’re just tons of black marks on paper. This is basically the art crazy people do in lockup. 

Cami is confessing her sins to her uncle. Cami is an angel, she has no sins. NONE! She’s so pretty too and I feel bad for her.

The Priest is giving Cami the WORST advice on the planet. ‘Don’t worry about turning off you’re feelings, it’s probably nothing, keep moving forward.’ THIS IS THE ENTIRE PROBLEM WITH THE SOUTH, GUYS COME ON.

Oh, right. Sophie’s in trouble. I care, I guess? (Nope. Decidedly don’t.) 

Elijah is using Davina to help him untie a rope…okay, not really. It’s to break apart the bond between Sophie and Hayley.

Well, it’s a good thing Elijah decided to try and get Davina to unhook the witch and Wolf Mama because that’s apparently the stake of this episode. Maybe Elijah’s the one who is psychic?

Sophie was taken by Agnes and then Elijah and Klaus come in and are like NOPE. TAKING SOPHIE BACK CAUSE SHE IS CONNECTED TO HAYLEY.

Klaus is really concerned about Elijah forgiving him. Other than that, his function on his brother’s tour de save Hayley is resident snark machine. 

Thierry and Marcel are about to rekindle their bromance.

THE NEWSIE IS BACK.

Speaking of… Hayley and Rebekah are so cute! “When I first met  you I thought you were a real bitch.” What changed your mind?” “Oh, no, you’re still a bitch I just like that about you.” Says Hayley to Bekah, and all my friends to me.

Hayley and Rebekah are continuing their bonding. Except Rebekah is running from her family which makes Hayley none too happy which I don’t blame her but more importantly WHAT is Hayley’s accent??

I love when Elijah says Sophie’s full name. It’s kind of sexy.

They gave Sophie a drug to endure miscarriages?! Klaus’s snarking is suddenly silenced because this is actually really awful. Also Agnes put the drug in the kid that killed the priests which is becoming more and more important to the story. 

Marcel is finding out the truth about that night Katie died. Looks like Thierry might be off the hook soon enough. Especially when he tips off Marcel that Klaus might have a turn coat in the ranks.

Is Newsies still a newsie without his cap? —once a newsie, always a newsie.

Marcel has got some serious issues knowing who to trust, which isn’t too surprising seeing who raised him. 

Klaus is really good at breaking up a party. He’s also good at having to explain things to us that are obvious. A bunch of humans hanging around talking about damage control the supernaturals caused..gee I wonder what they do? Good thing Klaus is there to explain it!

Why do these people talk to Klaus like he’s a 12 year old? The guy is a dangerous and a bajillion years old. Why are people such idiots to him? Respect your evil, dangerous, elders!

The humans are SO not afraid of the OGs. Klaus is going to kill him…wait, nope. He just walked away. The priest is KILLING it in this town. Straight killing, but in a metaphoric sense. 

Elijah shows up with Sophie and for a second I thought it was Davina. I thought my confusion was over considering I hate Sophie but enjoy Davina. Guess not.

Rebekah has gotten the WORST end of this series. Nanny. Fetch girl. And, worst of all, Marcel’s love interest. 

The priest wants to go after Agnus himself. Not a good idea, Human.

The priest has become the most compelling character in the series. That’s what happens when you make a character a priest. 

Agnes gets brought in and Klaus looks at her like she’s a five star dinner. I actually could care less about this woman, she’s annoying and not that good of a witch.

Elijah gets in the water with Hayley to cool her down…wearing his button down. I’m surprised he didn’t go in with his full suit.

Elijah is going to rescue Hayley by being all romantic and wet.  100% would work on me, I volunteer as tribute.  

He’s like “look at me Hayley!” And she’s panting and this is oddly sexual, as her screaming almost sounds orgasmic.

Davina fixes the connection hex thing and Hayley and Sophie are free! Davina is so cute and happy she did it! #TeamDavina

And Davina turned the magic rope into a floating snake! No, just kidding, but she apparently saved the baby, not wet Elijah (but it totally helped.) 

Elijah and Hayley, now is not the time for Googly eyes.

Elijah saying he won’t let Klaus kill Agnes makes me think he will. He also wears a suit jacket but no button up…progress!

OMG CAN SOMEONE KILL SOPHIE I LITERALLY DON’T CARE also maybe Elijah you should tell Klaus that his baby mama is still alive? 

Rebekah is leaving because Elijah loves little brother Klaus too much and won’t leave him. This is so cute!

Rebekah about to have a heart to heart about her brother’s wolfy intentions because girl can NOT handle their attention being on any other girl but her. Elijah is cute but clueless (AND THANKFULLY NOT IN A SUIT) 

My heart hurts a little for Rebekah. She wants someone to love her. The boys don’t need it, not the same way Rebekah does. She needs to be important to the boys, but she never will be.

Before Rebekah leaves she drops by Chez Marcel to say good bye and to have hot vampire sex with him. Priorities on point!

No, girl, don’t make bad decisions because of crappy brothers and their choices! Marcel is the ULTIMATE bad choice and, listen, I;m all about bad choices but this is just a not compelling bad choice. Girl, you WANT someone to convince you to stay. And so you run to someone who will give you the attention you really want. I do not like this for you, you’re better than this.

We go from a sex scene to a sculpture of Jesus and MAN nothing kills the mood more. 

Klaus’s relationship with Elijah is basically Klaus’s relationship with his father which isn’t Elijah’s fault. 

Elijah comes to the church where Agnes is being held. He upholds his promise and doesn’t let Klaus kill her…instead he does it himself. I’m sorry I have goosebumps. He is so hot. “No one hurts my family and lives.” He says as he cracks Agnes’s neck. Klaus looks on with a happy smile, proud of his big brother. I’m proud of him too. Mercy!

Klaus has never been more impressed by his brother. Maybe he’s a little in love with him? (I know I am.)  MEGHAN AND ELIJAH SITTING IN A TREE!

Also, what is that creepy cheshire cat grin, Klaus.  

I’m all for shirtless Marcel but I’m not crazy about this passion he and Bekah supposedly have. Not really feeling this relationship they have AT ALL. She has more chemistry with her damn brother.

Baby girl Bekah, you just want to be important. I just want someone to love baby girl! There’s so much in her character development and in subtle character movements and choices. 

Marcel shows up at Klaus’s plantation. Ah shit.

We’re out at the plantation house and of course Marcel figured it out because of the apples. Luckily he can’t come in. Thanks to Vamp laws. 

Klaus goes to tell Cami about the death of Agnus and he’s all proud of himself, “hey I helped kill the witch that hexed your brother to kill a bunch of people on sacred ground!” And instead of being thankful Cami lays it out on Klaus that he’s some sort of monster. Cami, he’s a vampire, his thoughts on death? Not the same as yours. Deal with it.

Oh. Right. More Cami. And honestly, she’s the better person in this whole series and responds so differently than what Klaus expects which is thrilling. She’s not easily manipulated. (Thank God because everyone else seems to be like weak-willed puddy.) 

So…Marcel did something to Hayley because Elijah shows up and she’s not there. There’s a stand off between Marcel and Klaus and its tense and hot. The uneasy adversarial yet familiar chemistry between them is off the charts. Elijah calls Bekah frantically looking for Hayley who is missing…AGAIN as Klaus shows up to declare that Marcel was at the house.

Klaus is like I CAN’T EVEN WITH YOU RIGHT NOW MARCEL…wait. Marcel COULD go in the plantation house? Did he take Hayley? Elijah’s not going to be happy… 

Nothing is more attractive than these two brothers being tortured emotionally.

First episode of this show I got shivers at the end. Holy shit.

It’s worth noting that episode 6 of Vampire Diaries is when the show got, you know, REALLY GOOD. So, if we’re following the same model, I’m excited to see what’s down the road…