I have spent the last few months reading way too many blogs about how being single “is the best thing ever!” Constantly being told to “embrace the alone time, enjoy you!” As much as I love the peppy attitude associated with the whole girl power, love oneself thing, I don’t know if I appreciate the unrealistic tone a lot of these lists and posts have about the wonders of being the lone wolf, the third wheel, the only one NOT posting pictures of your kids and/or significant other on Social Networking. I tend to roll my eyes at these things a lot because they never really get it right, mostly because I get the feeling they might be written by serial monogamists enjoying a brief break from whatever relationship they ever got out of. As someone who has never had a traditional boyfriend in her twenty six years of life, I’m not sure I understand why people think being alone is always the best thing. To be perfectly clear I have no qualms about being alone, but being single doesn’t mean the things a lot of serial monogamists think they mean when they try to tell us they envy our single lifestyle.
You’re Single Do Whatever You Want Whenever You Want! No One Gives A Shit About You!
A post I read this morning claimed that being single means you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, not having to rely on someone else for having a good time or being kept on some sort of proverbial leash. I’m not entirely sure I understand what this person is talking about. Mostly because being single doesn’t mean you don’t have friends or family. Yes, I don’t have a person up my ass all the time about the happenings of my life and could up and do whatever when I have the time. The key word here is TIME. I’m sure for the most part we all have friends that are inviting us places, wanting to spend time with us, and are constantly texting you to find out where we are if they don’t hear from us and demanding that we let them know when we get home safe. I also have a thing thing called a job, which I will get back to in a few bullet points. It prevents me from doing whatever it is these hipster, single people can do. I have to dedicate myself to something that isn’t me and that’s making money so I can pay for things so I can live my life. I feel offended when I hear people tell me I’m so lucky I could just do whatever I want, because I fucking cant. I have restrictions, I have things I am chained to, people I hold on to. Just because I don’t have a significant other doesn’t mean I’m no wanderer that can roam the earth with a smile on my face 24/7. Obligations exist single or not.
Weekends Are Yours. Be A Recluse.
Being a slob is something you can feel free to do when you’re single because you have no one to impress but you. Feel like ordering a pizza on Saturday night and just eating it while marathoning Netflix? Sure. Here is the reality. I can do this, I HAVE done this, and it’s horrible. Somewhere between ordering the pizza and spending hours trying to find what I watch I get down about what I’m doing because I get bored. I scroll through my feeds and all I see are my friends out and about, I ask why instead of saying yes to a plan or finding plans I decided to be a hermit for the night because I am single and can do whatever I want! The reality? I’m home because I haven’t been invited anywhere and I can’t find plans because my couple friends are out and about and my single friends have other obligations and I can’t ask my boyfriend to come over and hang out because I don’t have one. Once the reality sinks in, the feeling of depression begins and you wonder why you’re alone in the first place? Will anyone ever love you? Why are your friends lame for not inviting you out? Are you boring? Questions you all know answers to but think of the worst possible answers, because you have to live inside your head and you ask them while midway into whichever cookie cutter RomCom you ended up choosing while trying to cry into your pizza. Eventually you give up on possible pizza tears you move onto ice cream water works and they make it better. Finally, you realize it’s 11pm and you haven’t showered all day, have taken two naps, and your head hurts. Sound awesome?
I Don’t Have to Worry About Anyone But Me, NO ONE is Telling Me How to Live My Life!
You have go to be kidding me. I either have really shitty friends and family or I’m a traitor to the single life. I do worry about my friends well being as if it’s my own. A few years ago a friend of mine was going through a financial issue. She called me while I was in Florida, in FREAKING DISNEY WORLD and asked if I could cover her rent for a day or two until a check could go through, I said sure because I had the money to lend for a few days and she paid me back. I did this because she is one of my best friends and her issues are my issues. We are one. Being single doesn’t mean you don’t have to listen to someone’s problems or share it with them. It doesn’t mean you don’t have stress in your life because you don’t have a person you date. You still have to listen to peoples problems, be there for your friends and family, they love you and you love them. Why is this a concept only people in romantic relationships should face? Being single doesn’t mean you should be a selfish fuck. Actually, all being single does is make you want to transfer all of those things you would do with an SO onto other things in your life. Fact: I am a workaholic. It’s the main reason I have neglected this blog I happily started a year back. I go in early and I leave late. I wish I had someone to tell me “don’t.” because I don’t have anything to really come home to. I can do whatever i want but if I had someone to talk me out staying at my desk for 13 hours I wish they would and if I had someone to make me happy enough to go home on time I probably would… or might consider it. But I don’t. Instead my coworker asked how would I ever find prince charming and another told me to go to another floor to find him.
…But You Can Just Date Around, Though.
AND THE FINALE OF EVERY POST ON BEING SINGLE! The fact you can still just date around. No commitment, no hassle and no worries. But, you see, there there is a difference between dating around and hooking up. If you want to hook up and be single, that’s your thing do you but dating and hooking up are two different beasts. In my experience when I wanna date I’m doing it to meet someone to hang out with and possibly hook up with, when you date you have to be open to commitment because they may just like you and you may just like them and serial dating soon happens and you’re on date 20 and before you know it shit is real. On the other hand hooking up just means you know the boundaries, and are fine with the physical aspect of what you’re doing but, you’re still not fully single if you’re doing either because you’re still scratching that itch most of us humans have. The commitment might not be there but the carnal urge is still there. It’s a complete and utter cop out. I’m not saying be celibate, but if you’re going to run around saying how amazing your life is because you’re single you better be getting in “touch” with yourself and “embracing you” if you catch my drift, wink wink, nudge nudge. Also dating now a days is fucking hard. Let’s not make it seem easy.
The point is that being single is fine. It’s just a relationship status but it’s not this magical unicorn of living life that all humans should strive to. If you found someone that gives you those feelings be happy about it instead of admiring the fact I am at home on Saturday night typing a blog entry on being single after I haven’t written in months. Finding someone special that makes you feel like you are the best person in the world truly is a beautiful thing. If the person you are with makes you smile, laugh and cry all at the same time it means they are worth the stress, heart ache, and time you spend with them. I know plenty of people who are perfectly content with their single lifestyle, my friend L for example has no real aspirations of ever meeting anyone and her asexuality is something she welcomes and will kick you for questioning, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy company, having set plans or have to do things because other people need her to. She isn’t a shit head and you shouldn’t be one either just because you’re single, it’s not a get out of jail free card to just do whatever you want or not care about anyones problems but your own. Fact is if you’re single you might be someone much like me who is currently crushing on a boy I have no chance with because of circumstance and our own awkwardness, eats a lot of ice cream, and binges Discover ID shows on Netflix. If you are also single because you don’t have a significant other currently and are enjoying whatever free time you have before someone snaps you up enjoy it all while it lasts. Date around, hook up, live it up enjoy the single life and power to you. But if you’re anything like me and I know a few single folks who are it’s just a comfort you have embraced because it’s all you’ve ever known and you’re totally cool with it, but if someone does come along we’d gladly change that and still be awesome as we already are because…
One thought on “The Realities of Being Single From A Perpetually Single Gal”
well said! well said!